So MbD said she was going to play me an audio book, and I had to listen to the whole thing. Before I cracked it, she explained it was short, included swearing, and was read by Samuel Jackson. OK, I can deal with this...

So we listened to Go The Fuck to Sleep.

It was funny, but for us, it was 'other person' funny. Not having kids of our own, it seemed we were sharing others pain. Then it occured to me - we have our own issue. I present:

Go The Fuck to Bed – by Easter Cat

 

Dusk is dawning, and my spirits are rising

You are obviously tired and well fed

Rather than lounge on the couch for a while

Please, can we go the fuck to bed?

 

Patting your chest, you are suggesting laps

Nope, can already see where Carlito has shed

No laundry to be done and you’ve been to the ‘loo

Suggesting we just go the fuck to bed

 

The bees are all home, the dishes are done

Cats are intelligent, it is often said

Since your work for the day is done

Quit pissing about, let’s go the fuck to bed!

 

It’s getting dark, the back doors are shut

Now Lito is going off his head

Chasing his tail and other mysteries

I really think we should go the fuck to bed!

 

The chickens are quiet but the possums are active

I hear them running across the shed

Pappa is drooling on the couch

Why can’t we go the fuck to bed?

 

Finally success, the humans are moving

Bringing chocolate and books to be read

Don’t care if they bring the kitchen sink

We can finally go the fuck to bed

 

Now Lito is here and prancing around

Pretty sure I can smack his head

Now there is yelling and I jump off

Why the fuck did I want to go to bed…